There have been so many things going on, and it's getting hard to keep my cool with them all. The first and most obvious change is after growing out my hair for the last three years, Garen finally talked me into cutting it all off. So bam, just like that, 8 1/2 inches of hair are gone. Take a look for yourself. Along with these changes, Garen has taken a steadfast hold into his church practices today, which in all honesty I do encourage. I simply cannot help feeling skeptical in his abilities to stick to what he says he wants to do. He gives me a lot of talk about how faith preceeds the miricle, but again, I just don't have a lot of trust left in me.
As for our marriage? Well... theres been a lot of disconsorting stuff. A lot of things I have to give some thought to... and a lot of newfound honesty being passed around. We are communicating better then we ever did before, and I appreciate knowing... I really do... I just need to reflect on what is being said better. Garen is not so great at saying the right thing on a whim ;)
Then there is the question of comprimise. I believe fully in self sacrafice for a person you love. I am willing personally to give up any aspect of my life Garen asks me to, and try my best to fit myself into the life he dreams for us. However, upon some questioning out of me, he so far doesn't realize what he's asking of me. He believes I should know that his way is the healiest and best choice for me, but neglects to understand that while that may or may not be true, it isn't what I dreamed for myself. I am willing to change what he's asked, and will do so with minimal complaint, but he shows no compassion for it. In fact, after making efforts today, he mentioned how they weren't good enough on the car ride home. I guess I will try harder.
Additionally, Garen shows no ability to make an emotional choice. His answers show he is not willing to make a sacrafice for me, if it means giving up something himself. It kinda hurt to hear those answers, but I guess I knew better then to ask. He said something today at breakfast that I'm sure he hadn't thought through, but it hurt all the same. He told me that if I didn't want to work for an eternal marriage, then he could *easily* find another woman he could love JUST AS MUCH and have eternity with her. I had made the mistake of asking why he wouldn't take 60 years with me rather then none. The statement hurt so much that I fought tears in the resturant. He quickly apologized for what he said, but it still left a bit of a cut. This seems to happen a lot. I'll let him tell about the thoughts and dreams he's had recently.
Outside of the subject of the love of my life though (whom I'd always love, despite the lack of common sense) I have two new classes coming up for my college courses. Critical Thinking and Business Communications and Research for the IT Professional. That last one is a mouthful huh? I'm excited to be moving forward in my college career. As soon as I know how well I did on the last two courses I will share my scores. However, I am confident with my final projects and feel they will yield me good scores.
Finally, I seem to have done that thing again where I take on too many projects at a time. Lots of quilts and crap to be made. I hope I get it done before Christmas. I got Garen Rock Band for his birthday. 28 years young in just a few more days. I'm so proud of him for all he's achieved and I look forward to our futures together, no matter how disagreeable they may be. Well until next time.....
Andrea
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